Didn’t Care

Dear nothing,

when I was nobody I didn’t care!




Can’t waste space!

Can’t waste 2,500 paperclips!

Can’t ever stop bleeding in the veins!

I love you me!




Who doesn’t have the tangles of school all through their houses?

Those who were lucky enough to go through fires?

Do you wish we had those pictures?

We can already be deleted if we want to have fun.

Back Home

Nosebleed clock is the alarm that works as well at 3am as it does at 9am. Welcome home.

Pre-nosebleed this morning I awoke to someone on the street saying: “Good morning!” I had been in a city with Adhit, taking an elevator. Noah’s alarm went off and I dozed till the nosebleed started. Still in dreams, shoving toilet paper up my nostril, I went inside the sounds.

Why would you feel bad about anything? Just be in that sound.

Hoku is dead.

I’m shocked that way a lot of mornings.

Then I think about what death is and continue to not know.

Just listen to music, drink lemon water, and make breakfast.

A sense of sad but peaceable introspection hangs around then floats away.


Lifting thousands of pounds of wood and metal, through clouds of gnats and 90+ degree sun. Gloves aren’t thorn-proof and we smell like pack-rat waste.

Dad and I got 100 bucks for 1150 pounds of steel at Capitol scrap!


Evening time and we go to Ian’s. Tisket a tasket as basket with two six-packs, traded in for beer-boxes and dolphin-killers (I don’t know what they are actually called).


My uncle has a stoned hospitality. He builds a house next to his house (of one room) in a thoughtful/relaxed manner while preparing food his pregnant wife. We brought building supplies. The next day we brought spring rolls with the beer and building supplies. We talked about melting coal found in the arroyo and casting things.


Dad and I went to Cap-Scrap again and made another $100. We got beer and the produce guy from Albertsons, who has worked there all my life, was there. “Guess I’m just a fruity guy.”

We got groceries at Ta Lin and loaded sheds onto truck and trailer. Dad started playing packman and we called it an early day.


Over 5 days we moved/got rid of around 8 tons of objects. It just happened to be the hottest part of summer, with forest fire smoke hanging around.

“It’s just part of this beautiful time we’re having.”


Keep You Awake

10460674_10152556581260505_90748832853787581_oFonzi, who I grew up with, offered me a place to stay in NY. He and girlfriend Delaney stayed at his place and I lived as apartment-proxy, in a corner room in one of those triangular buildings on diagonal streets. After Fonzi and Delaney got back from a niece’s talent show, we had a quick-quip fun-art critical-social catch-up/what-are-we-doing-with-our-lives.


Morgan, Fonzi, and I went to a giant-gay-underground-warehouse-party with concert-level sound and an infinite amount of lasers. Aside from constant access to water I realize I need a consistent supply of sounds like those. I saw Preston from Model Files in the crowd, got excited and texted Noah. Morgan told me Alexander Wang was there too. I danced non-stop-coyote-slingshot, drank one $7 beer, and walked from Bushwick to Williamsburg at 3:30 am.


Morgan and I had a dreamy catch-up friend-talk “I-haven’t-seen-you-since-high-school” “what-we-are-doing-with-our-lives.” We went to Best Pizza, they didn’t have vegan slices at that moment so we threw a brick through their window. We walked like a block and found a place that did have vegan slices. We went to the water. We saw people with ice cream cones. The people were emanating from a vegan ice cream truck. We went to a bodega and got vegan ice cream sandwiches for and kombucha. We ate some of the cuties and gave some away in the park where we lay under a tree with everyone else in Brooklyn.


IMG_3851Sandra, Crokcet, and Chris signed the lease on a warehouse in Bushwick which happens to be across the street from an ice factory. By the time I visited Crocket had already contacted the factory and got a deal to fill Iceshelf with ice for its first opening in New York. Once the ice melts in Iceshelf people will be able to fill white water balloons from faucets on the truck.


The warehouse borders on some L train tracks and an expansive graveyard. Crocket found industrial ice packs there. Pretty cool. My friends were sleepy. Conversation revolved endlessly around details of the build out. “Like, we should have a music studio with a window in the floor?”


My hair was not David Lynch at the beach like I wanted because I had not been in salt water or hair product. It was making it so I couldn’t see. I did what you do in a city and got a free haircut. Afterward I tried on $500 sunglasses and realized I need $500 sunglasses to go with my free haircut. Instead I bought a white t shirt and some falafel on rice.

I spent time looking for the Earth Room and when I found it it turned out to be closed for the summer. I sat in the lobby outside the elevator and drank the rest of the water from my kombucha bottle. A man walked out from the stairway and nodded to me with a look of knowing. I gazed out the door, thinking about my breath. A dog came up and licked my face. I plugged in my phone under some mailboxes. A cop walked by and waved. I took a bird of paradise and smashed car windows.

IMG_3850I walked two miles to meet my middle-school-best-friend, Serrana, at the sports bar next to her apartment. Mexico won their game so her boyfriend could sleep again, and she could go back to work/catch up with me. She is writing/directing plays and might get a job selling glasses. I took the subway back to Brooklyn and bought snacks. I was trying to think of a host-gift that wouldn’t just inconvenience the host so I bought coconut water.

Sandra and Chris came by to return Kristen’s boyfriend’s sleeping bag to me at 1 am. After <1.5 hours sleep I lugged a hundred pounds of supplies-suitcases across subway gates. At the last turn-sculpture help came from one benevolent stranger, asking me if I was coming to or going from NY. I said I couldn’t tell but I definitely wanted to be her roommate.

In line for the bus a man took cuts in front of me, and I wouldn’t have noticed except the man behind me started yelling “So you think you’re fucking special huh? What do think there’s a line for buddy, get to the back of the fucking line you jerk off – fucking scum.” – It went on like that. When I got to the airport they were calling my name, so I had to take cuts, and no one seemed to notice. At the gate they said the pilot had come to meet me due to my being so late. I said “I am sorry, I am the worst” and sat between some business-types. I don’t know how I was late, but I am a Santa Fean.

In Dallas two people insisted I go in front of them. It was kind, but not logical considering I was 40 hours awake and confused by everything. “Thank you.” “It doesn’t make a difference, we won’t get to Albuquerque any faster” said Texas-man with hat.

I sat next to buoyant tye-dye-straw-hat abq kid, who was coming back from Mexico. We talked about music, performing as multi-dimensional scales of preference  for one another – “You like band? You might also like band!” Airplane companion used to be sports-ball get-big but then learned art kids have more interesting parties. “At our parties we would hit each other and say balls.” We waited for bags and both of our dads were late to pick us up so it was true, we were old high school buddies.


I felt it to be so low to the ground and nothing was there. There were particles of slow-movement-dust and I half-napped gas-station. “I have to move to New York dad, you can’t swing a person in all-black without hitting a vegan restaurant.” “I went to a cool party.” “I got to stay in a place.” We got Vietnamese food at the restaurant where we get Vietnamese food in Albuquerque, across from the ax-swinging sculpture.

Dad handed me a beer, we hugged, and I cleaned my room. Noah had left a dust-lounge of pokemon cards. A Sublime record was tucked into my bed. I laughed and laughed.


Will and I drank like old times. He was all suit happy government job designing new forms for retirees and all the ladies at the office think he’s doing a great job. Still, on last check from Starbucks and me on a shoestring all along we felt we were spending too much on food and drink. He had made chile for when my chinatown bus was 2 hours late. Other than that,that week, made everything else also, except falafel.


We biked around. We saw the river and some geese. We saw a fort. We judged the things around us and laughed and were sarcastic. Will would be employed 9-5 and I would sit in the kitchen all day working on my next project, getting up to pour coffee, eat popsicles, and do pull ups. Rex, Wes, and Joel played Halo 3 in the living room.

In evenings we played frisbee and beer pong and went to Walden pond. We also finished watching Breaking Bad – gave me a case of victory-laps.

Nick came and we started an underground band in the basement.


Basement Underground was such a good band.

Rex and I had been placing bets on when Nick would bring mortality into conversation. He started talking about how he thinks it’s worse when people kill animals than each other. I said “that is funny because you work in a deli and you eat meat.” He was like, “oh yeah, okay I will go vegan.” I told him to make sure he gets enough b12 and vitamin D.


Will and Nick went to a Star Trek convention to buy a sailor moon backpack and I went to New York.


Proxy Family

Sandra’s childhood home in Paramus has original 70’s details and nice tenants inside. The mom of the family helped Sandra and Crocket look through Chinese newspapers to find deals on warehouse spaces, and the son helped translate/haggle with landlords over the phone. The mom made us a dinner-feasts two nights in a row.


Everyone around the table stumbled over Mandarin/English phrases except the son, who is fluently bilingual and wanted to know why we didn’t eat meat.

I was trying to make room for lettuce in the fridge and the son offered his mini fridge, which he doesn’t use much because his mom checks it for beer. I asked if he was under 21 and he said no, they were Christian and didn’t drink.

Because we wanted to experience New Jersey culture, we went to the mall. Crocket and I spent some time selecting the optimal configuration of legos from the bulk brick bins at the lego store.


Lego Judd

Lego Judd

I bought 2 collarless rayon shirts for ½ off at Uniqlo. A cheery voice would come on between songs and inform us about the different floors of products. “The first floor has cheap basics for men and women and fitting rooms, the second floor has cheap basics for men and women, and fitting rooms, there is no third floor… Nothing happens after you die.”

We came home to a lovely family dinner and didn’t eat meat or drink.



Vacation Vacation

The streets outside the hotel were full of clubwear-people in lines for clubs. As Crocket and Sandra were showering Chris and I snuck away. In the morning they asked what we had done. “Went clubbing” we said.

IMG_5717 copy

More accurately we had waited in a fuschia-lit line twice (post dresscode rejection) and then thought $20 was too much to dance to some mall-ass songs.

Upon arrival in Virginia I slow cooked farmer’s market .99/pound tomatoes with fresh basil/oregano and red pepper flakes and made a mock parmesan with cashews/nutritional yeast. We offered some to the Page Bond gallery staff but they just took pictures of our picnic and put it on their blog.

Virginia to DC was an easy drive after a night of craft beer/couchsurfing and a vegetarian-restaurant Reuben for breakfast.


We walked around in DC and looked at the stuff you’re supposed to look at. There were pineapples at the botanical garden. We have been dreaming of pineapples and wanted to take one.

Most of our time was spent at the Hirshorn Museum/Smithsonian. The courtyard of the Smithsonian was the best piece. I will live in there.


In the evening we stayed with a friend of a friend and made Vermacelli salad with hell of herbs, sauce, and vegetables while watching parks and rec.

I got a nice couch to sleep on and in the morning we went to a vegan restaurant staffed by hotties where they had COCONUT MILK and AGAVE for their fucking coffee. They also had the best goddamn cookies I’ve ever tasted. Vegan Reuban for breakfast AGAIN?



In Raleigh Proxy got its own gallery at CAM. On top of setting up in air conditioning, Iceshelf received unlimited free microbrew and while I was installing my friends brought me food from a sort of fancy vegan restaurant. All the stereotypes of what I like. Unparalleled fortuity.


The acoustics were great in the open concrete museum, formerly a produce warehouse. I used the little plastic compass-ring that signified my VIP status to get drinks for a journalist and watched people interact with Proxy.

A little kid was being told he couldn’t touch art and I told his parents he could touch my piece. This was one of those overly-cute moments of art education that involved a lot of the child saying: “WHOA!” His parents “look Stuart! Touch this part, it makes a sound, see?” He yelled: “I don’t like art” and ran away.


At the end of the evening an artist wanted us to participate in his project of making a friend, having a portrait taken with the friend, and writing on the back of the polaroid where we would visit together and what we would do. I made friends with Fern, who owns part of a restaurant. I was peckish so I asked if his restaurant was open/had vegan options. It wasn’t/did not. Here is the back of our portrait.


Lit Blue

The people we stayed with in Birmingham were inordinately friendly, as was everyone else in Birmingham. Space One Eleven put out a lawn on the street and we made tacos/DJ’ed. We prepared the gallery owner and her husband meals and they bought us beer/housed us. The gallery assistant took us to a punk show.

We all sat in a tree house, talking about “the Art World” (Crocket was there).

I liked the sound of frying sizzle with the sound of the rain.



Everyone at the opening asked where we got the blue corn tortillas and we explained that we are New Mexican and can find blue corn tortillas wherever we go.

“Sandrayouhavetotrythis.” Which dish – the chips?

We had all these leftovers and were frying some of those tortillas in coconut oil. After being overstimulated and preparing food for gallery attendees/going to rainy Tuesday punk show we were all suddenly starving.

We listened to The Stone Roses and Ros Sereysothea in the car in the rain. Chris said there was something about Sereysothea that was undeniable. It reminded me of being a teen, with my friends, driving in the rain, listening to music.

In Atlanta we crashed an opening at Beep Beep gallery which was down the street from where we were staying. The gallery was lit with blacklight and the quinine in the drinks glowed. We made our host tacos and he made us drinks.


Sandra has been taking a picture the cats at every place we stay at and thanking them for their hospitality. This cat, Marsha, peed on my bag after cuddling with me all night.

We were eating at a not-very-good vegetarian restaurant in Athens when the UGA coordinator asked us if we had had any drama on tour. The next day the truck broke down and she told us that her friends had been staying in Athens for the past two years for the same reason. After troubleshooting and looking for diesel mechanics all day we decided to get ice cream.


My face in black light gallery

A nice guy with a diesel truck came to take a look and we were able to start the car before sunset. It was a calm and logical day. If there were a reality tv show about us it would be very boring. Also, pecan toffee almond dream works well with crispy rice crackers. When we start our ice cream sandwich empire we’re going to make crispy waffle cookies that have a little salt.

So we drove to some in between town in North Carolina through night and through spots of rain. As Sandra and Crocket used their Best Western points to get a room Chris and I drank Heineken in the parking lot. We set up a kitchen on the hotel desk and I made tortilla soup with salad. Each of us bathed for the first time in some days so that we could sleep on white sheets.

John and I were at a meeting/party which we left to exist in a large blue-lit pool. I ran into Sadie, Freyr, and Xandra. Seeing people in pool dreams is a good indication that I am myself.


Had such a good sleep in York Alabama, at the Coleman residency, which used to be a bank.


There was a dark room with papers and objects on the walls that functioned as Hoku’s diary. One of the entries was about the most important people in his life and I was touched to find myself among them.

Then I was going to a party with the mayor.


Doing push ups and lunges, drinking lime water, making a shake out of coconut meat, avocado, cacao, almond milk, and brown sugar. Crocket got up and started playing music, Sandra practiced Pimsler’s Mandarin 1.


This town is so small you can be all the way zoomed on the map and still see the edges. When we got here we biked a few feet to the Piggly Wiggly. The director of the residency showed us the garden. I slow cooked smoky black eye peas, collard and mustard greens, and brown rice.


On the street everyone stared at me, then waved when I noticed. I was offered rides by a couple people while walking from the store, even though the town is only a few blocks.

Under Sea Level

New Orleans wasn’t real. Below sea level air makes it so you are never have to drink or sleep, and everything is easy. We walked around getting rain-drenched and spent two nights at gallery/residency Press Street.


The first night I made pizza and salad for all the attendees using the two-top electric stove at the residency. The woman at the grocery store gave me free zucchini after accidentally ringing it up at $200. After the event second night we drank rum-based tourist-beverages and walked around.


Before leaving LA we drank coffee on a big porch in the rain, eating pastries, and talking about greasle with the gallery owner as he rocked his infant child back and forth.


From Mississippi to Alabama we were back underwater.